jayaar

"Absolutely" by Starfield

Lover of my soul
I want to tell You
Only You have all of me
I cannot contain my adoration
I'm in love so desperately

No one is as lovely as You are
There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with You

Down upon my knees
I'm lost in worship
Humbled by Your majesty
What is there to say
But how I love You
Thank You for forgiving me

No one is as lovely as You are
There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with You

All I am is Yours (all I am is Yours)
Only Yours

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love
Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love with You
In love with You

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

Chorus:
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we have faith to believe

 

Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
When I know they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could pray a prayer and just move on
Like nothing's wrong
But I Refuse...

Chorus:

I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse

I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God
So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through
And do what I was made to do
And show them who You are

Chorus

I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help
I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well
I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself
I refuse to make one more excuse

Chorus


So, this song has been playing through my head the past couple of days, and I really felt like talking a little bit about the concepts this song raises. It's really sad how most people view this world as a place to reside and not much more. People encounter tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of people every single day, but most do it without any thought about those people. How many times do we do this? You walk past someone and think, "Wow, they look kinda down and out. Maybe someone else will stop and ask how they're doing." Or maybe there's someone who just seems really shy, and we think that it would be awkward to walk up to them and say "Hey" because we're afraid we may not know what to say after introducing ourselves. What is wrong with our generation? Why should a feeling (the feeling of awkwardness) bar us from showing others God's love? If we aren't going to move to reach out to people, how do can we expect others to? Why are we so proud as to worry about "ruining our reputation" for going up to a stranger and talking to him or her? Yeah, we definitely can't do everything, and there will often be times when we wish we could do more. But we CAN refuse to do nothing. God has done *everything* for us. He has given us LIFE. Why can't we reach out and show others some of God's love?

I've been struggling a bit with this concept, whether because I've been ridiculed for doing things differently than others, because of my own pride, or maybe a combination of both. I think that a lot of it has to do with how I see myself in Christ. Do I see myself as just someone who is saved, and that's that? Or do I see myself how God would want me to be: salt of the earth, light in the world, a reflection of Christ, beautiful in the sight of God, full of potential, clay in the Potter's hands, branches of the Vine, a friend of God, fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, a servant? I am HIS, completely and totally.

So many times, the world tries to knock us down when we try to move forward and stand up for Christ. Sometimes it's because what we are doing is "unconventional" or "weird." But why should we care what they think? Isn't it more important to focus on what God wants us to do?  I've been reading through 1 Peter the past couple of days, and a couple of verses in Chapter 4 really stuck out to me: 1 Peter 4:8-10, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms."  God commands us to not only love people, but also to be hospitable and to use the gifts that God has given us. I think sometimes I get confused because when I try to use my gifts, sometimes people scorn the way that I choose to use them. In some people's eyes, I am too young, too naive, too risky, too open, too vulnerable, too quirky, too different, too unique (go figure that one out =P), too unconventional, too optimistic, too friendly, etc. To that I say... God can use *anyone* to fulfill His purpose, especially those who are willing to be changed and used by God. If God can use someone as weird as me, dontcha think He could use someone like you? One of the cool things about the body of Christ is that every part is sooo different. And that's a good thing! If we were all the same, we couldn't function very well. Verse after verse comes to mind about not being looked down on because you're young, about being different in the eyes of the world, and about loving one another.

This brings to mind another song that really speaks a lot to me:
I am chosen, I am free
I am Living for eternity
Free now forever

You picked me up, turned me around
You set my feet on solid ground
Yours now forever

And nothing's gonna hold me back. . .

My chains fell off
My heart was free
I'm alive to live for you
I'm alive to live for you
Amazing Love, how can it be?
You give everything for me
You give everything for me
Everything


The choice is yours. Who will determine your next move? Will it be the One who gives you breath and life? Or will it be the world forcing you to keep quiet and just focus on yourself?

I'm Julia. I'm a teenager, and I refuse not to move. But you know what? Just one teenager who refuses not to move can do more than 100 people who choose to sit around and wait.

Do YOU refuse?

 So, I decided that I didn't just wanna post a funny post today. I wanted to share a little bit of what's on my mind aside from humor.

For the past half hour or so, I've been listening to a radio station from back home, and it's so reminiscent of my younger, not so happy days. It's really a reminder of where I was at one point in time and how far God has brought me. God has done so much in my life, and it always awes me when I look back on my life and see the path that I've traveled. God's grace astounds me! Even when I turned away or strayed from Him, He was still there urging me to come back to Him. He could've let me wallow in my self-absorption, but instead, He opened my eyes and helped me to see who He really was. He showed me that there is meaning in life. He showed me that He has a plan and a purpose for me, even when things get rough. He showed me that He put me through trials to make me more usable. He drew me close and comforted me in my pain. He removed my bitterness and anger, and He replaced it with an unquenchable joy and peace that can only come from Him. He showed me the beauty of the cross, and what Christ suffered so that I could have a personal, intimate relationship with God. He showed me that my identity is not founded in my friends, my family, my job, my failures, my misconceptions, my flaws, etc., but rather, my identity is founded FULLY in God and who He created me to be. God has taught me that it doesn't matter what a person's outward appearance is, but every person is beautiful and precious to Him. He's taught me that to die to self is to gain life. He brought me satisfaction that nothing and no one else could bring. He's taught me to look for the humor in the little things. He's showed me that I can't just exist, but that I need to really LIVE, and live loud at that. He's showed me that when I decrease, He increases. He's shown me my pride, and He's tested and tried me. He's broken me. He's mended me. He's my whole world. He's where my focus should be each.and.every.day. He's given my hope and contentment, but He's broken my heart for those who are despairing. He's brought people into my life who have left footprints on my heart. He's taken people out of my life who I'll never forget. He's given me such good, godly friends that help to keep my accountable. He has blessed me beyond my imagination.

What has God done for you? How has He changed and impacted your life?

 So, I don't really have any really funny stories for you today. it isn't that I haven't run into anything interesting lately, but rather that I don't know if you all would find it humorous or not. =P  However, there have been some funny quotes lately. I can't remember all of them at this instance but here are a couple:

In English class:
Girl: Whoa! That computer is even smaller than my baby computer! It's like... a fetus computer!

Sarah was in my room getting ready to make cookies in my microwave-oven:
Me: You could arrange the dough on the pan while you wait for it to preheat!
Sarah: Ahhh... You're a smart cookie!

Walking outside with a few girls:
Jodi: Ahhh! I can't feel my faaaaace!
Me: Don't worry! It's still there! =D

I ran into a guy in my GNED class that I remembered meeting a few months ago at See You at the Pole:
Me: How's it goin', Drew?
Drew: Pretty good! You're... Ju*hesitates*... Julia?
Me: Whoa... Yeah. How in the world did you remember that?
Drew: I s'pose I could ask you the same question.
Me: Well... around Liberty, pretty much every guy is named Drew. When in doubt of a guys name, just guess Drew!
Drew: *chuckles* Yeah, that's true...

Aside from those little tidbits... Most people on campus are convinced that I know almost everyone on campus (not true!).

Oh, and that guy who assumed I was an ex-farmer, RA, and Junior? He asked me out on Friday.

Aaaaaand... I may or may not have some exciting news to share with you in a couple of weeks. But, who knows. =P

I hope your week is going awesomely! Keep your stick on the ice! =D

 So, I decided that it might actually be a little bit of fun if I blogged every now and again. I am always having really interesting things happen to me and around me, and I think everyone could use a little bit of a humorous story every now and again, right?

Thus begins my journey of blogging for the sheer purpose of entertaining others, recalling experiences, and showing others the humor we can find in God's creation. *grins*

Story #1:

You Meet Interesting People in Philosophy Classes...

I walked into my last class of the day, eagerly anticipating the end of another school day. As much as I find Philosophy intriguing, sometimes, the lack of sleep can get the better of me, especially in dim lighting. So, with this in mind, I made my way to the middle of the classroom, where the lighting was quite bright. (For some reason, some teachers like lights on in the back half of the room and off in the front of the room). I plopped down and pulled out my computer to check my e-mail before class started. A gentleman of about 24 or so joined me a few seats over, and he began to talk to me about random things. This is a little bit of how the conversation went:

Gentleman: Wow, that's the smallest computer I've ever seen!
Me: Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen one smaller, at least.
Gentleman: Who makes those?
Me: ASUS. It's an E-PC.
Gentleman: Huh... Oh, my name is O.P.
Me: Nice to meet you! I'm Julia.
OP: (Sounding a bit curious, as if he thought I sounded foreign or something) Where are you from?
Me: Indiana.
OP: Oh, wow. What is your major?
Me: I'm a Communications major.
OP: Do you live on a farm?
Me: (thinking that maybe I misunderstood what he just asked) Pardon?
OP: Do you live on a farm?
Me: Uhhh... No. Why?
OP: Oh, I just figured that maybe your parents are farmers.
Me: (thinking to myself *do I look like a farmer's kid?*) No, they're not.
OP: So, what do you want to do with your major?
Me: I'd ultimately like to do missions work.
OP: Have you ever been to coffeehouse?
Me: Coffeehouse?
OP: GoTribal Coffeehouse.
Me: OH! Actually, I went twice. However, the leadership meeting on my hall was moved up and conflicts with the meeting time now.
OP: Oh, you're an RA?!
Me: Uhm, actually, no. I'm a Prayer Leader.
OP: Oh, you're a Junior?
Me: *blinking rapidly* No, I'm actually a Freshman.
OP: A Freshman?! Huhhh... I didn't know they let Freshman be Prayer Leaders... So, why'd you choose Liberty? (astounded that I would choose a place so far from home)
Me: Well, I had a friend who went here, and when I visited, I really liked it.
OP: Is your dad a minister?
Me: (totally confused at how he's even coming up with these questions) Nope. He's a computer guy.
OP: Huh...

And the moral of this story? Don't be too presumptuous, especially on such a diverse college campus.

 Someone told me today
That when I go away
This place will no longer be
A permanent home for me

I've had several laughs and tears
I've had many hopes and fears
I've seen friends come and go
I've very rarely had a foe

I've overcome several trials
And I've come many miles
Down life's rocky road
Oft bearing quite a load

I used to resent living here
Increasingly so with each passing year
Then my perspective did quite change
I began to act really quite strange

I always would wear a grin on my face
Which was quite difficult to erase
But I would live my life each day
As a bright, shining ray

Backwards would be my baseball cap
Along with the music I would tap
I learned to live life to the full
Because of this, life was rarely dull

No longer was I confused
For I saw my life was used
By Him who died for me
It's because of Him I'm free

God had lessons for me to learn
And many surprises at every turn
One thing I'll always know
God placed me here to grow

For the times here, I give God glory
He authored my unique life story
He used me for special reasons
In and out of many seasons

Now my time here draws to an end
But on Christ, I'll still depend
Excited I am to see what He'll do
As His promises still ring true

"Leave you, I will not
Plans for you I have got"
The One who captured my heart
Is making my life a piece of art

With mixed emotions I say "farewell"
And when I return, new tales I'll tell
Of great wonders that I've seen
Because of my God and King

I'm just gonna ramble here every now and again so that all of my insanity doesn't leave as I'm studying for the SAT. *nods*

Firstly, this SAT program is ridiculous. A few of the answers on it are wrong, which totally cracks me up. xD  That is... after the confusion of why it says I got a question wrong. AHEM. Who needs to know some of this stuff anyways? Do I really care how many blocks can fit into a box that is 12*8*14? *smirks*  Maybe I should care more... it could come in handy some day if I decide to pack a bunch of sugar cubes into a box.

Grrr... So, I have decided that I am just going to write and write and write on my SAT essay, 'cause it appears that the length of the essay matters more than the content. I have discovered this by talking to multiple persons about it. Generally, the longer essays score better. Why? WHO KNOWS. It's fairly ridiculous, that's all I know. *ahem*

And some of these math problems are crizazy... =P  AND! They are so vague sometimes. *dies*

I'm so done studying for right now... Well, at least online. I might work some more on the book tests. *sighs*  Maybe I'll actually surprise myself and everyone else and totally ACE the SAT. xD  ...or not. But you know... I can dream. *grins*

 So, I have way too much going on in my mind right now to really know what all to say. So, I'm just gonna sit here with my eyes closed and just let my fingers type whatever comes to mind. =P  Basically, this is just going to be a really random string of consciousness (or unconsciousness, as it may seem...).

Firstly, I am starting to second-guess where I want to go to college. Yes, Libertyy seems like it would be a really great place to go to college. Buuuuuuuut, it costs an arm and a leg. Srsly, it would take me foorever to pay off the student loans and stuff... Aaaaaaaand, recently, I've been really considering going into missions. I think that is where my heart lies right now. I know that God will use me in whatever venue I end up in, but... it just seems like missions would be a great way to spend my life. *nods*  That being said, I don't want to be tied down by a lot of debt once I get out of college. Liberty is going to be around $16,000 a year. That. Is. A. Lot. Of. Money. For one, I've been workin' my tail off for a while, and I am nowhere near 16K. Secondly, it would take me a couple of years at a *good job* to get those kinds of loans paid off. Thirdly, ...I really don't want to stay here in E'ville. Soooooo... I dunno. The next option I have is going to college somewhere here in town. Or maybe, I could find another college to go to that has a work program of sorts... *falls over on keyboard* I don't knowwwwwww... I really need to get out of E'ville. I feel as if I'm suffocating. But at the same time, I sorta feel the need to stay here. I'm conflicted. Part of me wants to do one thing, and another part wants to do another. I'm so ready to get a fresh start in life, but at the same time, I've met a lot of great people especially in the past semester. I'll know several people going to LU, and I'd really love it there, I think. But... what is best? I mean, I don't want to be unwise with the money that I have earned. And I don't really want to be in debt for years after college. But what would this mean? I would have to stay home and knock out my core credits first at a local college. Then, maybe I could transfer to another college, right? That would require me to live at home for another year. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family. They are great. However... ever since I finished out my sophomore year, I've been rearin' to get outta here. I'm  tired of feeling as if I'm in everyone else's shadow. After all, what can I do? I can't play any instruments. I don't write songs. I'm not a brainiac. I don't even play sports on any teams. Somehow, I just seem to always be in *someone's* shadow. That leaves me feeling claustrophobic. I'm gasping for breath in this town. But why? Is it only because of that? Or is it because of all of the bad memories? Are my reasons for wanting to leave good ones? Or are they self-serving? *shakes head* It just doesn't feel right. Something doesn't... If I stayed here in town, I could continue working part-time at JoAnn's. I'd also be able to continue attending my church. Campus Outreach is a great program to get involved with, too. And I've met a few of the college kids at my church, and they seem like a great group of kids to be around. But wait... what about all I've been sayin' for the past year? Everyone is expecting me to pack up and head off to Virginia. Everyone. This would also mean the hassle of changing *all* of my plans for the next school year. I'd also have to apply for USI. Melissa is back home now, too. That makes the thought of it a little bit more bearable... I think... *rests chin on hands*  That would mean that we'd both be going to USI, though. How odd is that? Unless, of course, I decide to take my core classes at Ivy Tech. If I were to go to school here, what about work? Would I work at the same time? And what about my dreams? Wait... what dreams? I don't even know what they *are* anymore. Also, freedom while at home seems... well... not plausible. At least not freedom in several areas. I would like to know what it's like to live away from home. I want to get out and explore the world. I want room to breathe and dream as much as I want without the dreams getting knocked down one by one. I feel stifled. And I already said that. So, just ignore me. *coughs*  I wanna be a pyromaniac. I wanna set the world on FIRE for God. I wanna make a difference. I wanna be the light in a dark place. Not that there aren't opportunities here. There definitely are many. But... a little light goes a LOT further in places that are dark. Like... if you light a candle in a room with several bright lights, what's it gonna do? It hardly makes a difference. But, if you light it in a pitch black room, that light will be BRILLIANT. Imagine this: a scene where everything is black and white. And in the midst of it, there is a person who isn't black and white. He's vibrant colours! Shouldn't this be what Christians should look like in todays world? Shouldn't we be so passionate about Christ that people can't help but see a difference? But meh, I'm rambling. This doesn't have much to do with my college decision. *makes a face*  I think a lot, I've decided. Why do I have to be so logical? *smirks* *runs hands through hair* Why, why, why... This all makes me wonder what God has in store for me. What does he want me to learn through the next few years? Patience? If that, then that would probably mean that I'm stickin' around here for a while. ;-) But seriously... I don't know what to say. My brain just sort of fell apart, I think. *sighs*  Why can't I ever seem to think straight anymore? Grrrrr... I think it would do me a lot of good to get immersed at a place like Liberty. Maybe, though, it'd be better for me to go to a secular school. After all, I was just rambling about being a light in dark places. I'm so conflicted. =|  Why can't I just agree with myself? And no, we aren't schizophrenic. xD   *cough* I can't ever be fully serious. Actually, I can. I mean... I think I can. Just not when it comes to me... maybe. *shifts eyes*  And then there are other issues that may hinge on this decision. Goodness gracious. I really don't know anymore. *falls over*

Sunlight, shadows, jazz
They set the backdrop
Outlined in the bright rays
A girl sits at her desk
Chin resting on her hands
Shoulders slightly drooped
Eyes speaking volumes
Mouth set in a line
Physically tired
Mentally alert
Trying to focus
Lost in thought
Groping for words
Coming up with nothing
Feeling the stress of life
As the sun sets
She still sits
Pondering
Thinking of life
God, family, friends
A verse comes to mind
Speaking of delighting in trials
At one's weakest point
God shines through most
The
Weakest
Point...
The breaking point
The times when one feels
that life is too much
When struggling under the weight
of responsibility and compassion
Looking to reach one's full potential
But the road to it
appears to be overgrown
The path unclear
Pulling out a Life Map
Realizing that a Trail Guide is needed
And a Guidebook essential
Can't she see?
Her Trail Guide is nigh
He has the course mapped out
He always has
She looks down
He places a book in her hands
The Guidebook
Although, it is known by another name
The Bible
So often, we get distracted
Thinking that life is all on us
Feeling we have to bear the whole load
When always, our Trail Guide is right next to us
Encouraging us
Ready to help us bear the load
Even though...
He already bore it all for us
When He suffered and died
A criminal's death
He was no criminal
The Son of God
Yet we have mocked Him with our lives
He gave us the chance
To live, to breathe
Yet we scorned the gift God gave
And don't tell me
That you never did
When we reject Christ
As the One and Only
And when we put other things
Ahead of Him
It's like telling God
That Christ isn't enough
We should have a high view of God
Our trail may be hard to follow
But if you look closely at the path
You can see...
The blood marked path
For our Trail Guide has gone on before us
He claimed victory over death and the grave
If Christ did that,
Don't you think you can trust Him with everything?
"But no one understands my problems,
No one seems to care"
God isn't "No one"
He is THE One
He cares
Have you given Him a chance?
Sure, we say we're christians
But is it evident?
What do we value?
While some are dying for their faith
How can some have the guts
To say "I believe"
Yet live like the world
Why be hypocrites?
When living our lives
We can't sit on the fence
Living on Sundays
Like a "good little christian"
But every other day
Like the rest of the world
Be either cold
Or be ON FIRE for God
I challenge you, my friend
Where do you stand?
When the going gets rough
Which path will you choose?
Many choose the wide path
It's "the easy road"
No rules to follow
No higher power to serve
However, those on that road
They have no Trail Guide
No Guidebook
The narrow path
Is anything but easy
But our Trail Guide
Promises an everlasting inheritance
When we stray from the path
And fall into the thorns
We can know
Our Trail Guide is right there
To pick us up
Clean our wounds
And set us right back on the path again
So, you may ask me
What is the point?
Why should I live for Him?
Ask yourself that
I know that I can't go it alone
Life has me running in circles
Whenever I take my eyes off Him
Without my Trail Guide
I would be ever so lost
What about you?
Can you go it alone?
If not, there's Someone there waiting
Waiting for you to give Him your all
Run to the Trail Guide, Jesus
Comforter, Saviour, Provider, Healer
Why settle for being "alright"
When God can take your life
And heal your heart
And guide you along life's path?